Meowdieval History

 Bathroom door remained closed, I can't even. To confuse them, I took a mint to the kitchen. Bet they have no idea what's going on and out of confusion they'll leave the bathroom door open.

Today we'll talk about my past. I was born a long time ago in Texas. I was so cute and adorable, but people with no taste left me at a vet office, with a couple of broken bones and a head concussion. They did a lot to get me back into health, yet I cannot stand vets.

Once I was healed, they tried to get rid of me. Am I photogenic or what?

A Big Asshole took his gecko to the vet, saw the poster, and fell in love. I mean, can you blame him? In a very circle of life moment, Big Asshole believes I ate that same gecko years later. I cannot confirm nor deny.

And so I got a new house.

At first I was an only child, super sweet and spoiled. I easily learned some tricks for treats, and even earned my keep by getting rid of giant flies or moths that got into the house. My quirks started to manifest, remember the head concussion? One day I got into the shower with an Asshole and I loved it! It saved me so much time when grooming, it is great. In no time I had my own towel in the bathroom, which might or might not be related to me laying all wet in clean dry clothes.

The Small Asshole was away a lot, dunno where she went, but it was me and Big Asshole against the world. We even did a couple of trips, all 3 of us. I took showers at the hotels too.

Life was good, but one day Oswin just showed up. Dunno how it happened, bet they left the door open and she just made herself at home. They tried to separate us and introduced us slowly, but she hates closed doors and she jumped from a balcony to a sofa to escape her room. And so I guess our life together started.

I have to admit it was a hard transition, from being an only cat to having a tabby around. It felt weird! Things that used to smell like me now smelled like her. I went to take a nap on the sofa but it was taken. It was so annoying! Why didn't they leave the door closed?

We are also complete opposites. I am fabulous, playful, cute, adorable... and she's Oswin. She's usually very calm, but once in a while goes screaming and running from one end of the house to the other. She doesn't move toys, but plays with the ones I move. And she doesn't shower! So weird.

We managed to settle our differences and get to a truce. We stayed out of each other's way, unless I was in a bitey mood. That worked for us.

And then things changed again. First it was a gray kitten, Zuul.

He drove Oswin absolutely insane. He was also very attached to the Assholes, so they picked him up instead of me. He was pretty useful that way. Unfortunately he was sick and crossed the rainbow bridge. Even I was sad.

Everything was peaceful until yet another kitten appeared. Do they just let anyone in??

He was a tiny thing, but at first they wouldn't let me get close to him. He had his own room and his own cat tree. Like seriously??? That cat tree could have been mine! And I liked that room! Nobody asked for my permission to do this.

After a while they let him interact with us. He was OK, we had some fun playing moments together. He also liked to torture Oswin, that cat is a professional victim. He would go on trips with the Assholes, while we stayed with this nice lady that showed up once in a while and fed us. I liked her, she didn't pick me up.

Together we all moved from Texas to Colorado. It was a very long trip and a really small car. Ember was a complete jerk too, all the beds in the car were his! He was so annoying, I was tempted to kick him off the car in the middle of nowhere, but Oswin screaming for 6 hours straight distracted me.

Ember was sick too, but I think he had a fun life playing with me, cuddling with the Assholes and fighting Oswin. Life is made of little pleasures.

It was Oswin and I again, until the Gray Menace appeared. Seriously, do you ever close that door?!?

Now we're 3 again. I miss the only cat days, but I have to admit Ash really distracts the Assholes. They still pick me up, but not as often. He moves toys around too, and we chase each other. He drives Oswin insane too, but he understands not to mess with me. The hierarchy is clear.

We've all been together forever now. It is chaos, but it is our chaos. I might invite Oswin and Ash to write something from their point of view someday. We'll see.