Shades of Meow

 Bathroom door was closed again last night. I usually keep carrying toys, one at the time, so they can have a physical manifestation of my protest. I want them to feel guilt, but the door was still closed. I decided to try a new thing: I took the monster with me. I hope the toy's absence gives the right message. I expect that door to be open tonight.

Today I want to talk about communication. I am a very expressive girl. If I'm happy, I scream a really loud MEEEOOOWW. Sometimes I do that while carrying a toy in my mouth. It gets super challenging, ever tried it?

If I demand attention, I do a little bark, like MRAWR!. Short and to the point. This one is for occasions like "I'm very wet and I want to be picked up right now". There's nothing like getting some love while soaking absolutely everything and everyone, it gets me in a great mood.

When I'm annoyed, I CLICK CLICK CLICK. Ash walked too close to me, or there's a bug, Oswin exists or Small Asshole picks me up and kisses me. They say I click a lot, instead of doing some self reflection or wondering why that happens.

For all other times, my generic go to is to SQUEAK. I sound like a squeaky toy... or so they say. Meow is too mainstream.

Then we have Oswin, I think she used to smoke a pack a day before I met her. She almost never talks, only when there's food or when she gets annoyed. What comes out sounds like CRRREEEAAAK. Her food cry is very distinct tho, it lets Ash and I know that if we go to wherever she is, we might get fed. She's like our early alarm system, an annoying alarm tho.

All Ash does is WHIIIIINE. If he wants attention, he whines. If he wants food, he whines. Once in a while he carries toys around too. He's not as good as me, but he tries. He does this pathetic MROW that sounds anemic compared to my mighty screams.

The Assholes try to communicate with us, but they fail horribly. They try squeaking, creaking, whining and just talking to us, but all I hear is white noise. I did pick up a couple of words tho! I know that if I do shake, bang or rollover, I get treats. But I'm not a monkey circus, so I only do it if the treat is in my line of vision. They also call me to take a shower, and if I'm in the mood, I'll join them. Finally, I also understand when they offer to go outside, but I'm allergic to everything so they almost never allow it. Assholes gonna asshole.

If anyone is reading, I'd like to know: what's your meow like?