Fameowly

The Assholes closed the bathroom door last night. I let them know my displeasure by leaving a monster. That will show them! Bet the door will be open tonight.

Anyway, last time I talked about how fabulous I am. figured I'd talk a bit about my family.

I live with The Assholes. There's two of them, a smaller one and a bigger one. They got their name because they could be feeding me all the time, but nooooo, they only feed me at certain times. I still remember when I was a kitten and I had free access to food. Those were the times.

They were always judgy: get off the counter, Cali. Don't bite your sister, Cali. Stop scratching the carpet, Cali. But during that blessed time, they were worst! You're getting chunkier, Cali. Is that a new roll, Cali? And since then, Meal Times were introduced. They suck.

Oh, and they also pick me up and kiss me. The indignity! Karen, I just licked my fur exactly how I like it, PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW! But nothing works. They still pick me up and attempt to kiss me. Assholes gonna asshole.

One day they left the door open and now I have a sister, Oswin. She's very stereotypically cat. My parents call her Standard Issued Cat, whatever that means. She's a good chew toy. Just like me, she hates being picked up and kissed, but she doesn't call them Assholes because she's too nice. The Assholes say that she's the responsible one: if they ask me to do something, I'll just tell them to leave me alone. Ask Ash to do something and he'll forget, so Oswin is the one you can rely on. Also she hates water, so I love to shake on her after I've had a nice shower. Life is about little pleasures.

Finally we get my brother, Ash. Dunno, he just appeared in the house one day. He's a disgrace to all cats out there: he loves to get picked up and kissed. Ew. He sleeps in bed with the Assholes, whines to get attention, goes up and down the stairs in someone's arms. Something is seriously wrong with that cat. He is also extremely jealous: if Oswin is sleeping somewhere, he has to have that spot. If the Assholes are holding me (EW), he cries because he wants to be held. I GET IT, YOU WANT ATTENTION. SHUT UP! The Assholes call him The Gray Menace, and he certainly is.

This is what I have to put up with every day. This is my life meow.