Oh, the places you'll meow!

 Things have been slow, so I slacked off and napped instead of writing.

First things first, yesterday one of the Assholes woke up early and left the bathroom door open, so I carried my pineapple straight in.

Then I started screaming. It's so much better this way, dunno why they just won't leave the door open. I wish they were as smart as me, no matter how much I try, I cannot reach them.

This morning I was carrying an avocado slice and got all excited. What if the door is open again! Got distracted, dropped the slice and had to start over. Ugggh.

So I went down, selected a donut, started going up the stairs and got distracted again, wtf. I dropped the donut too. Fuck it, I left it where it was. The door was closed anyway.

I had to wait until the lazy people got up to actually go scream. So annoying. They sleep forever too, why not sleep normally, 2 hour stretches all day long? Such a mystery.

Anyway, the topic of today is napping. Choosing the right spot for naps is an essential skill. These are my rules:

• Same room as The Assholes if possible. I just don't trust them, I want them close by
• A spot that doesn't stink of tabby cat or gray cat
• Bonus point if the spot is in the sun
• Sometimes I want soft surfaces like a blanket, sometimes a hard surface like the floor
• I'll sleep on MY rug to prevent others from stepping on it

Sometimes that means sleeping on the sofa in the Small Asshole's room, or a nap on the computer of the Big Asshole. The key is to be flexible and find the spot that annoys everyone the most.

As an example, Small Asshole went to the bathroom and found this when she came back:

The fool thought a balled up blanket would discourage me. I told you they're not very smart, bless them.

But then I started thinking, do we all choose the spots the same way? I paused my screaming to ask Oswin how she chooses:

By the fireplace, on my hammock. If I'm hot, on the chair with the soft blanket.

 That cat has no imagination.

Then I asked Ash:

It has to be in the same room as mom and dad.

I know, because you don't trust them, right?!?

What? No! Because I love them and I cannot live without attention, duh!

I'm speechless. He's a disgrace to cats everywhere. But I digress.

If possible, wherever Oswin is. I'll jump on her and annoy her until she leaves. Otherwise the place is not important.

Eyeroll. This cat...

I love to sleep belly up, so anywhere that lets me stretch. Oh, if not upside down, my paw needs to dangle.

OK, I'm sorry I asked.

So there you have it, we all have different priorities. Obviously mine are the best ones, but at least now I know.